Like father, like daughter

Driving south in preparation for the week of our annual 4th of July celebration, I realized I was passing the college campus where my daughter is attending Governor's School this summer; and at a time of day when she might be able to have a visitor. As timing would have it my first call resulted in her voice mail picking up, but then I was rewarded by a return call and her sweet voice on the line. She was in-between activities and events, so sure, she would love to go have coffee with her "old man."

It seemed like just yesterday we were moving her into the dorm. She was excited, yet apprehensive of her summer away from home. Oh, she had been to drama camp at her grandparents for several summers, but always for just a couple of weeks. This year it would be for six weeks, and totally on her own. Governor's School is a free opportunity for gifted students in North Carolina to spend six weeks focusing on their area of expertise in a college setting free of the trappings found in your average high school. They study three areas: their main topic (in Alex's case this was drama), philosophy, and sociology (their place in the world). The emphasis is on the experience, not on the grade. Each student selected for the program has already displayed the ability to make the grade and excel beyond the norm. In our current political climate one could say it is a program that for over twenty-five years has achieved the vision President Obama is now pushing for America - reward those who have the skill and desire to succeed with even more opportunity to reach their goals regardless of demographics.

My daughter has been blessed in many ways during her seventeen years of gracing our world. Gator (that's what I've called her since she started walking - something about gator wrestling on the living room floor) has an abundance of friends, she is beautiful inside and out and she is very talented (and that is not just what her proud papa says). This summer, however, the blessing also brought about trepidations as she was to leave her safe haven and branch out to new territory. Fortunately, she heard me describe how wonderful Governor's School had been for me and gave it that "old college try."

Twenty-seven years ago, I too left home for the summer. In my time the program was eight weeks long (budget cuts are affecting everything these days). Unlike Gator, although I had talent, I lacked the social skills to be popular, so true friends were rare. To me, Governor's School offered a clean slate. A place where no one knew who I was or more importantly, who I had been. And, it was a world filled with people just like me. I went with open arms and embraced the summer in ways I had never been able to before.

With my travel schedule keeping me away most weeks and Gator just being a teenager, our time together and conversations in general had dropped off to almost nothing. It was bad enough to know that in a year and a half's time she would be going away to college for good, let alone feel like the bond we had always shared was being severed by boyfriends and just life in general. Whereas my relationship with my younger two children was growing stronger, I felt like she and I were drifting apart. Governor's School just made it worse. A five word text message here and there and a very short late night was all I got for the first two weeks. I was dying to know if her experience mirrored my own, alas I would have to wait.

The wait was more than worth it. As I pulled up to her dorm that Saturday night, she rushed to the car and gave me a huge hug. She said my call actually made her cry with excitement as she left the group she had been with to come see me.

We went into town to have coffee and talk. Gator was bursting with all of the wonder of her first college experience. All of her fears of being away for the summer were washed away and replaced with a longing for it to never end. And it was in her eyes I remembered the passion I had felt during my summer many years ago. It was the realization that high school was temporary and that life was now and what was yet to be. For me it was freedom and opportunity that I had never felt. For her it is focus and direction; and a confidence that she can achieve her heart's desires.

Self perception is an interesting thing. I have always seen Gator as beautiful beyond words, and she is. Ironically, she does not perceive herself in the same light. I, on the other hand, was always the "nerd" at her age. Socially awkward, a math and science guy, to even consider myself in her league was unquestionable. So I would have thought our reactions to Governor's School would have been markedly different. I was proven wrong.

I viewed GS as my golden opportunity to be what I had always wanted to be. That first weekend myself and a few other guys organized a toga party (sans alcohol) as a way to introduce ourselves to the ladies (remember we were "former" geeks) and get the ball rolling. For the rest of the summer we were popular. We experienced life as I always thought my daughter has. Like I said before, a matter of perception.

One of Gator's biggest revelations (and most amusing from a "father's" perspective) was when she announced that she and one of her girlfriends were the "hot chicks" at school. Now, as a father, this kind of conversation is like a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you want your beautiful angel to be adored by all. On the other hand, discovering she is one of the "hot chicks" can take the breath out of you. So, I just smiled and nodded my head and said, "that's terrific!"

Unbeknown to me, although Gator has many friends, much more than I ever had, she still shared the same insecurities that I and many others have shared during high school. Cliques are cliques, and no matter who you are, there is always some group that wants you to feel less than who you really are. This was also true in my little girl's case. Her experience this summer has helped her come to the same conclusion that I had reached: high school is temporary.

I realized that by the time I was her age, I was spending the summer in basic training at West Point. See, I had merged eighth and ninth grades years prior accelerating my high school exodus. At that time I felt I was a man, and by all rights, the little girl sitting in front of me has every right to feel like she is a woman, ready to go forth and seek her place.

We shared an hour and a half that night, just drinking coffee (lemonade for me - never could swallow the other) and talking. It was like God had carved out a little pocket of time for her and I. Her passion for her work radiated from across the table and I felt reconnected with my baby.

In the day-to-day, it is very easy exist and forget your dreams and ambitions. Being part of the group becomes more important than stepping out and being something special, doing something wondrous. As it was for me, this summer has given my daughter a gift. It is a gift that will live within her forever. I still look back on Governor's School with great fondness. It helped shape who I am today, as I can see it already shaping who she is for tomorrow.

There is talk that the budget for Governor's School may get cut for next year. To me that would be a tragedy. For a country that needs the best and the brightest to come forth and succeed, we have a tendency to dowse their flame instead of stoking the fire. For myself and my daughter and all of the other wonderfully talented and gifted students I hope there is always a way to impart the gift so that that gift can keep on giving back to us all.

- Ken